In regards to adoption we are at the same place of not having the money and trying to figure out how this will all work. It has been a difficult thing to know we have the desire to adopt and know which avenue to go through but we can't because of finances. I feel like my hands are tied and all I can do is ask God to untie the knot of finances for us. We have had to turn down adoption opportunities from our facilitators and friends who have let us know about children/birth mothers. It has been the hardest thing to have to say no because we can't scrape the money together for it, especially because a lot of them have been last minute.
Adoption is not easy. We are talking about needing at least $15,000 to start off with and that does not come by easily, at least not for us. So please don't tell us about any adoption opportunities until further notice so we don't have to say no unless it's of little to no cost, which doesn't really happen. Oh and please don't tell us to just do foster care because it's free. We have discerned that for right now foster care is not for us. The financial part, having to say no and knowing the baby girl's due date who we almost adopted passed at the beginning of July has made this aspect of our lives a little bit of a crap fest lately.
As a melancholic I get discouraged easily and can tend to give up on things. I am trying to fight that tendency that says "just give up, it's too hard!" We are figuring out what kinds of fundraisers we can do and grants we can apply for. We can not do loans because to pay back a loan would be more than we can financially handle at this time. Isn't there a rich family who would like to help a working class family adopt out there somewhere? At first we wanted to pay for the adoption all on our own because of pride and because we thought well it's our child we should pay the cost. We also thought it would be weird to ask people for money to help us bring our child/children home. Adoption is way different financially than being able to have biological children because your up front cost is $20,000-$30,000 plus the cost of raising the child(ren). My perspective has changed now, I am not above begging or asking for financial help ;) Once we have a fundraiser and date to start we will let y'all know!
We did get to go to our infant cpr class which was fun. All the couples there were pregnant of course and we were starting to feel out of place but the instructor was so welcoming and encouraging to us. She gave us the discount price they usually give to couples who deliver at the hospital, she kept telling me about mommy resources and emphasizing to me that I am just as much a mother as the other women there. They went around the room to ask everyone when they are due and JJ said with a grin on his face, "we actually don't know when we are due, it's a surprise because we are adopting!" Then the instructor said "congratulations that's is great news!" All in all it was a good class and I highly recommend expectant parents take the class.
Even though it's been hard lately because we are stuck in this unknowing, adoption is very much still in our hearts and around us a lot. We went to a film festival where we saw a movie called "40" about abortion in our country. Part of it talked about how abortion clinics demonize adoption and push women toward abortion rather than adoption. There was a lot of encouragement for pro-lifers to become more knowledgable about adoption so they can council women that it is a great option if they can not parent. I am so glad it was dark in that theater because I was balling my eyes out during that whole part of the film. I also got some good resources from the film so we can get more versed in the adoption process.
So that is where we are at, just giving it to God and asking Him to direct our path. At daily Mass yesterday I just cried, told God how hard this all is and to please give me fortitude and grace for this journey. It has been such a long road that sometimes I think we are in the same place we were years ago. I know we are not! I know we have grown so much and healed in so many ways, we are so very grateful for that! I still need to do a wrap-up post about our trip to Alabama and some spiritual challenges and growth that has happened. I just need to sit down and do it, even in the midst of this busy time. The next couple weeks aren't suppose to be as busy so I will try and collect my thoughts then. Happy feast day of Sts. Anne and Joachim coming up on the 26th and happy anniversary of Humane Vitae tomorrow!