Sunday, February 24, 2019

New Post! I know, it's been awhile...

Hi out there! Not sure if anyone is reading blogs anymore. It seems like its more popular to be on insta or fb but since I am not on any of those I thought I would just check in. There have been many times where I wanted to write but just have not found the time or the words. Talking about my life right now has been a challenge. There is much I want to share, a lot I am trying to figure out and I feel GUILTY about it all! I am not sure I can share in this space anymore where I shared so much of my infertile heart, it feels like a betrayal to even talk about motherhood and my life right now.

I am hoping I find time to write and feel comfortable to do so since this blogging community is so wonderful. I have been enjoying updates from other bloggers when they write which seems like less now due to the popularity of social media. Anyway that is my Sunday rambling and I am determined to write more soon!

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

He's Here!!!

After almost two days of natural labor both early and active and almost 5 hours of pushing.... Santiago was born via emergency c-section on July 25th at 7:30pm. It was quite a journey and we are all on the mend. I hope to write about it all someday. He is beautiful and we feel so blessed to be his parents. For now we thank you for the prayers as we recover, adjust to new life and wade through the fog of these first couple weeks together.

Friday, July 20, 2018

Past Due, Testing and Induction

Well baby boy is cozy inside mama's womb still. I feel like I have been pregnant and waiting for labor forever! Maybe the many years of infertility have something to do with this feeling of impatience. I just wanna meet and hold my boy already.

We went in yesterday to do a fetal non stress test and an u/s to check the amniotic fluid. Baby is doing great so no worries there. The doctor said they picked up a couple contractions while I was on the monitor. I did not really feel them, but it is a good sign that things are progressing. Our midwife wanted us to check up on him before our scheduled induction on Monday the 23rd. The good thing is that my midwife does a natural induction protocol first before resorting to more drastic measures. That makes me feel more at peace that a natural birth is still possible.

I have gotten so much advice, mostly unwanted, about how to get labor started. It has been hard to battle internally since it brings back a flood of feelings and triggers from infertility. It makes me feel like, though this may not be the person's intention, I am not doing a good enough job at bringing this baby into the world or my body is failing yet again. JJ has been so great and supportive and reminds me how ready I am for this and how capable my body is to do this.

So, that is where we are at. We resign ourselves to God's will for this baby's birth. Hopefully labor will start before Monday but if not we at least know it will start on Monday and hopefully we will get to meet him then! If you think about it this weekend or Monday at 9am PST, please say a prayer for us.