LENT 2014: Let's Do This!

I think it was so appropriate that on Ash Wednesday I got my period. I almost knew it was going to happen because of course this IF gal would get her period at the start of Lent, it only makes sense. The good thing is that God gave me a huge consolation on Shrove Tuesday, which actually made me excited for Lent. For awhile I was racking my brain as to what I should give up and what I should start doing for Lent this year. I am usually at a loss because these last 5 years of dealing with infertility has made me feel like I am constantly reminded of my imperfections and need for God's mercy and grace. I think the year we lost Cecilia I didn't give anything up because I was just not strong enough for that, I prayed and meditated on some of the Stations of the Cross each day but that is all I could handle at the time.

This year I am really seeking to push myself but not put too much on myself so I won't get overwhelmed and give up. I have discovered because of the hypoglycemia that I really can't give up meat on Fridays because I need a lot of protein and need to have some meat or else I get headaches that last for a couple days. I have tried to give up meat on Fridays, we do it all year long not just during Lent, and it has not been good. I thought of an alternative food/drink item to give up on Fridays that is a difficult sacrifice for me, tea. I know I know, you don't think its big enough. Well to me it is, I love tea and I sometimes have it 3x a day. I usually have it with breakfast, tea time in the afternoon and sometimes a little while before going to bed. It is always decaf or caffeine free and sometimes with coconut milk. So that is my Friday fast from now on.

Something I felt called to give up for Lent this year was face.book. I know that I was spending too much time on it and not devoting myself to prayer as much as I could so out it went. I even took the app off the ipad because I know the temptation is too strong just to be able to click on one button and be on it. I did not give up blogging because I haven't really been on it much lately. My goal is really to get my prayer life in better order. I want to challenge myself in the little ways that would be out of my comfort zone I want to be more perceptive to how I can use the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit. I want to battle and conquer those ways or areas of my life where I have told God that I can handle it on my own or where I have shut Him out and given into fear.
 
When you go through suffering and realize that you are carrying a cross that you can't really get rid of there comes a time where you have to choose between self-pity and self-sacrifice. I think there have been times where I have fallen short and chosen self-pity and felt like there was not much to gain from giving up something or sacrificing more than I was comfortable with. This year I want to make sure I am choosing self sacrifice. I don't want to just look at my cross, I want to look at The Cross and draw my strength and love from that ultimate sacrifice, the highest act of Love. So if you are going through a tough time this year and just want to get through Lent to get to Easter, I know it hurts but you can dig deeper this Lent. Even an infertile woman or a miscarrying momma can use that suffering to deepen her union with Christ who understands the suffering and says "come as you are" and "come follow me." There is no room for growth in self-pity. I am not saying to ignore the sorrow, sadness or anger. I am actually saying to feel them and explore them more deeply than you ever have. When we actually allow ourselves to feel these feelings we would rather ignore without bringing guilt or judgement upon ourselves in the presence of Christ who is Love, then we can grow in ways we never thought possible. We can get to Easter through our self-sacrifice and generously giving Christ all that we are, broken or whole.  

Happy Lent Y'all!