A face break from face.book

So this Lent I have been staying away from face.book. It was difficult in the beginning and I took advantage of the two solemnities we have had plus checking it on Sundays. It had become a main mode of communication for me so I wanted to make sure I was checking it especially because I wanted to promote the retreat there. One month into it so far has been such an eye opening time for me. I haven't been having mystical experiences in my prayer time or anything like that, I haven't really been praying more but I have been reflecting more. 

JJ asked me last week how it has been going so far and we had a very long conversation about face.book. I came away from the conversation wanting to delete our face.book account so that I can concentrate and be a more effective communicator to the people in my life. I am a really bad communicator. I am actually ok with not communicating with people every day, JJ is the exception he is my inner circle. I have always been a quiet person especially when I was a kid and when I am out of my element. I have grown in being able to engage in small talk, which I loathe, but I will do it. I would rather have deep and meaningful conversations with a small amount of people. 

I don't usually pursue people to hang out, I tried to when I came back from being a missionary but a lot of my friends at the time pulled back. Since then I became much more careful in who I put my effort into with friendships, I had become even more cautious when we started having fertility issues. Face.book gave me an easy way to keep in "contact" with people without having to actually engage with them too much. I started to realize a lot of my conversations were happening on that social media site and I was checking it frequently to make sure I responded soon to keep the conversation going or to read other conversations that were going on. For most people this sounds like a great way to interact with lots of people quickly but when I really thought about it I found it kind of creepy. I was able to look at peoples "lives" that I hadn't talked to in real life for years without having to actually engage them. Doesn't that sound a little stalkerish?! 

Upon greater reflection I wondered why I wanted to know about their lives or why they would want to know about my life. For some people it is a genuine want of connection with people who are currently in your life as well as those who you don't see all the time or are far away. That I can totally get on board with! The other part of having "friends" on face.book that you have no intention of actually making the effort to see in real life is where I have the problem. For me I want to be a more effective  communicator with the people in my life. I don't want to spend my energy on looking at people's lives, I want to be in people's lives. I don't want them to just look at my life either I want them to be a part of my life. Last I counted we had 357 "friends" on face.book, I wonder how many of them actually read this blog or know what is currently going on in our lives besides awesome pictures and quotes we put up on our profile.

Now there are about 4 groups that I am an active part of and they are all either secret or private. I love those groups because one is with Catholic IF gals, another is for practitioners, another one is for my sister practitioners in CA and the other one is the book club I am in. I have missed those groups while not being on face.book but I have realized that I can live without that social media outlet.

This break has given me time to reflect on some misteps I have made on face.book in sharing too much, even in these private groups. I had posted something that Padre had said in a spiritual direction appointment in the Catholic IF group. Well that didn't go so well and it ended up in hurt feelings on my end and I ended up hurting a dear friend in the process. I talked it out with my friend and we hashed it out so everything is fine now but I knew I should not have posted what I did and I knew deep down I just wanted people to acknowledge my hurt and pat me on the back for how well I handled the situation. That is just one mistep!

 Which brings me to my next pondering, why do we feel the need to get attention on social media? I think it is part of our natural inclination toward narcissism. It's not that I don't get enough attention from people in real life, I want more from people I hardly ever see if I see them at all! Which brings me back to wanting to have better communication with those people I actually see on a regular basis or who are far but I am invested in our friendship. I want to be a better friend and let people know that I am invested in them and not just on face.book. This means I have to get off of my lazy communicator couch and actually do something like send a text or email or actually call them. 

Now some of you may see blogging as the same thing as face.book, so why do I not have a problem with blogging? Blogging is so different because when you read someone's blog you become invested in who they are. You don't get invited to see their blog, it is more often the case that you are searching for something they have to say. The blogs I read, I pray for these women and their families. I have also come to care about them and have made some wonderful friendships that I would not have otherwise made. When you comment you are engaging in the person's life and people tend to be more honest on their blog about good and bad stuff that is going on with them. Face.book does not have the same vibe as blogging does, it just doesn't. 

So, will we delete our face.book account after Easter? I don't know I am still discerning it.  I asked JJ what he thought and he doesn't know either, he hardly ever goes on the computer let alone face.book. I thought maybe a good compromise would be to have two face.book days a week so that I don't allow myself to spiral back into checking it so much. I have felt like a more productive and present person being off of face.book and I like that feeling. I guess we'll see what happens after Easter...