Warning: This post is long!
I was going through all our magazines a few days ago as part of my summer cleaning/organizing regiment. I was ripping out the articles that we wanted to keep and then discarding the rest of the magazine. I came across a Family Foundations issue that was from spring 2011. The entire issue was on infertility and I found myself wanting to keep this whole issue instead of taking a couple of articles. It also brought back a flood of memories of what I was going through at that particular time and what I had been going through even before I got married.
I had just gone through intense blood testing. When I say intense I do not exaggerate, blood draws every other day for almost 3 weeks. For me and my tiny veins that is a lot! The results from those blood draws were not good at all and my Dr. was recommending surgery and then a whole protocol of meds. following the surgery and thereafter. I was not surprised by the results as I had been feeling sick for awhile. I was relieved to finally get some answers because I had been to Drs. before who said I was "fine" and the always popular "you're young, you don't look sick." This Dr. was finally confirming that there was something wrong.
I always had a feeling that there was something wrong with me physically. As a child I would get sick a lot, mostly from my stomach. I would not want to eat as a child because I would just feel sick after I ate and that made me a really picky eater (my poor mom). Then when the wonderful gift of puberty hit (insert sarcasm) things only got worse. Now I will go into more personal details, so if you are a guy reading this, sorry. I would get really bad cramps that would make me miss school for the first couple of days of my cycle. I would not be able to eat because I couldn't keep my food in, I would have to take high doses of ibuprofen and lay in bed all day. My pediatrician just told me to take the ibuprofen and asked if I wanted to see an OB/GYN who might recommend the pill, my mom declined the offer. During this whole time I started to think that this was normal and other women just handled the pain better.
I also had this intuition as I became a teenager that when I got married that I would not be able to physically have children of my own. Some people would call it a fear and it probably was for awhile, but I kind of see it as an intuition that prepared me for this road we are now traveling. Even though I had this intuition I still had hope that I would be wrong and I prayed that God would give me the strength to endure whatever He wanted for my life. I know, I was such an analytical serious teenager!
Flash forward as my husband and I were preparing for marriage we had a serious talk about children and how many we would want. We both wanted at least 5 and secretly wanted 10. I know you think we are crazy and we very well might be. We also talked about being open to adoption whether or not we were able to biologically have children. I was very happy and wanted to marry my husband even more when we were on the same page about children and adoption.
So that is a bit of my background, part 2 coming soon...