Friday, August 24, 2012

The Infertility Issue Part 1

Warning: This post is long!

I was going through all our magazines a few days ago as part of my summer cleaning/organizing regiment. I was ripping out the articles that we wanted to keep and then discarding the rest of the magazine. I came across a Family Foundations issue that was from spring 2011. The entire issue was on infertility and I found myself wanting to keep this whole issue instead of taking a couple of articles. It also brought back a flood of memories of what I was going through at that particular time and what I had been going through even before I got married.

I had just gone through intense blood testing. When I say intense I do not exaggerate, blood draws every other day for almost 3 weeks. For me and my tiny veins that is a lot! The results from those blood draws were not good at all and my Dr. was recommending surgery and then a whole protocol of meds. following the surgery and thereafter. I was not surprised by the results as I had been feeling sick for awhile. I was relieved to finally get some answers because I had been to Drs. before who said I was "fine" and the always popular "you're young, you don't look sick." This Dr. was finally confirming that there was something wrong.

I always had a feeling that there was something wrong with me physically. As a child I would get sick a lot, mostly from my stomach. I would not want to eat as a child because I would just feel sick after I ate and that made me a really picky eater (my poor mom). Then when the wonderful gift of puberty hit (insert sarcasm) things only got worse. Now I will go into more personal details, so if you are a guy reading this, sorry. I would get really bad cramps that would make me miss school for the first couple of days of my cycle. I would not be able to eat because I couldn't keep my food in, I would have to take high doses of ibuprofen and lay in bed all day. My pediatrician just told me to take the ibuprofen and asked if I wanted to see an OB/GYN who might recommend the pill, my mom declined the offer. During this whole time I started to think that this was normal and other women just handled the pain better.

I also had this intuition as I became a teenager that when I got married that I would not be able to physically have children of my own. Some people would call it a fear and it probably was for awhile, but I kind of see it as an intuition that prepared me for this road we are now traveling. Even though I had this intuition I still had hope that I would be wrong and I prayed that God would give me the strength to endure whatever He wanted for my life. I know, I was such an analytical serious teenager!

Flash forward  as my husband and I were preparing for marriage we had a serious talk about children and how many we would want. We both wanted at least 5 and secretly wanted 10. I know you think we are crazy and we very well might be. We also talked about being open to adoption whether or not we were able to biologically have children. I was very happy and wanted to marry my husband even more when we were on the same page about children and adoption.

So that is a bit of my background, part 2 coming soon... 


  1. Glad you are getting a chance to write this out...its always crazy to look back and see all these little moments that were perfectly coordinated to give us peace in the future, like those inklings and conversations with jack way before you were married. We are truly stories unfolding, God's work in us is ongoing! Looking forwrd to reading more :)

  2. I saw your comment on TCIE's post and had to come let you know I will be praying for you and I look forward to reading more. While I wish not a single one of us was facing IF, I was just saying how it seemed like my list of still-IF bloggers was getting so very short and I was feeling so alone. Your return to blogging is a reminder that I'm not alone - and I thank-you.

  3. alison, thanks! It feels good to write some of this stuff out and remind myself that the story is not over, that God has more in store for us. Rebecca, thank you for the prayers! You are not alone and I will keep you in my prayers as well!