The past six months I have allowed myself to go into that place of self-pity, you know at the bottom of the pit where we all feel like we are at our lowest point and are asking "why me God?" I started to tell God all of my good deeds and say that I did not deserve to suffer like this. I also demanded that God fix my body pronto(yes I demand things from God, don't worry we are cool like that). I was tired of having fertility issues and being sick all the time and missing out on going out w/ my husband or missing events with friends because I was sick. My biggest question to God was "why am I so weak!? Why can't I be strong like you Jesus?"
As I was communicating these frustrations to my husband on one of our many long drives home from the Dr.'s office he asked me if I had ever heard of the story The Princess and the Pea. I looked at him like he was crazy and said "no, never heard of that story." If you don't know the story I highly recommend looking it up. He then told me the story of a prince searching for his princess but she needed to be a real princess. Long story short he tested his princess by putting a pea under 20 mattresses and 20 blankets that she slept on. The next morning when she said she had a bad nights sleep because there was something hard in the bed the prince knew that she was a real princess because she was so sensitive and delicate. After the story my husband said to me "see, don't you get it, you are a real princess. Your sensitivity is what makes you a real princess." Then I started to see that the things that I saw as a weakness in myself like my physical and emotional sensitivities were actually just how God made me to be. Instead of trying to be so strong and failing miserably at it I needed to use my weaknesses.
So I took this new found perspective to prayer and I felt like God whispered, "Don't waste your weakness!" These are the words that have been echoing in my mind the last few months. I do not want to waste a minute of my life whether I am weak or strong. I do not want to waste my weakness on self-pity. Instead I will milk my weakness for all its worth, by lifting it up to God to be purified or just simply endured. Whether your weakness is an illness, a trial, or a character defect God wants to use it for His glory. You can offer up your weakness as a humble sacrifice for others or for your own sanctification. Beware if your weakness is something that you can control like a bad habit don't be surprised to be challenged to change it.
I have realized that my delicate and sensitive nature is a reason God called me to become a FertilityCare practitioner. I am able to be compassionate toward my clients whatever their situation, whether they are there because they are required or voluntarily, whether they are trying to achieve or postpone a pregnancy, or whether they are there because of infertility/subfertility or are going through a miscarriage. So next time I start to wallow in self-pity I pray that I am reminded not to waste my weakness!