There have been a couple of times in my life where I have had dreams of my future children and most of the time when I woke up I payed no attention to them afterwards. Since the miscarriage I have had three dreams where we had a child. The first dream was about a month or so after the miscarriage and the baby was a girl who was about a year old. I got to hold her and I remember saying in my dream "mommy loves you." When I woke up from that dream I wept and wanted to go back to sleep to that dream to continue holding my baby girl. I did not like having that dream because I knew that it was just a dream and the reality was that there was not a baby in the next room. I know this is probably sad to read but hey I never promised a happy all the time blog. Infertility and miscarriage is a tough topic that is often sad or frustrating.
The second dream was a couple of months ago. Again the child was a little girl about 2yrs. old and we were getting ready to go to Mass. We had a tough time getting her dressed and we were going to be late to Mass. We rushed out of the house and when we got to church she wanted to be carried because she was sleepy, so my husband carried her up the stairs of the church and then she wanted me to hold her. As we were walking in the church, not late btw, everyone was looking at us like they did not know we had a kid. Which made me think that this child was probably adopted and it was our first time taking her to Mass. This dream I did not mind so much, anything is better than nothing I guess.
The third dream happened this weekend. This time I knew for sure the children were adopted because it looked like we were at an orphanage. This time there were two children, one was a boy about 2-3yrs. old and a baby boy. We were in the process of adopting the older boy and wanting to adopt the baby as well. The older boy hugged my husband and called him daddy as I was holding the baby boy. When I woke up from this dream I was so serious and my husband asked if I was ok. I told him about the dream and he hugged me and said ok let's do it, let's adopt. I was very focused and contemplative when I woke up from this dream but I also felt a sense of urgency, like our child was out there and I needed to find them. Then when we were more conscious and not so groggy we talked about it more in depth.
Before the miscarriage, well before we found out we were pregnant we started to look more into adoption. I had contacted a couple of agencies and we were going to get more info. and go to an informational meeting. After the miscarriage we put everything on hold for obvious reasons but also because my body was not bouncing back to normal at all. Since then we have not looked into it further, though I have not forgotten about the desire to adopt. When I think about adoption my heart fills with joy, I don't know how to explain it. I always have to examine my motives because I don't want to adopt just to fill this selfish need of mine for children. If and when we adopt I want us to do it for the child's best interest.
So after a lengthy conversation my husband and I decided to pick up where we left off. We are going to look into more information about adoption and just get to know the process a bit more. We gave ourselves a time limit so that we don't just stay in a state of doing nothing. At this point from the little we know about the adoption process we know that it is expensive. We are not rich but we try to be as thrifty as possible. I am hoping this latest dream is also a motivation for us to save more because I know we could be saving a lot more of our income. We do not have any debt so we could be saving more than we currently are. Any suggestions on adoption agencies? Any tips about the adoption process? Helpful ways to save money?