Sunday, November 25, 2012
A couple of weeks ago when we met a pro-life Dr. outside our church, we got into a very interesting discussion. We started discussing the need for generational healing and how it could be a possible road block as to why we had not been able to conceive and why we miscarried. Now at first it sounds crazy and I am almost offended at the thought of someone thinking I am cursed because of my family background and that is a reason we lost our Cecilia Esperanza (Yes that is the name of our little one, isn't it a beautiful name!?) Part of me thinks that this notion is crazy and I need to stay far away from people who think like this on the other hand this is a topic that JJ and I have discussed before.
A few years ago I started praying for the healing of my family tree. I come from a broken family where my father was not around and when he was, those few times I remember, it was nothing but drama. To this day I don't know exactly where my father is, so I don't know much info. especially medical history of my father's family. I know much more about my mother's side but those facts are not pretty. There has been abuse in all forms in my family among other generational sins. I have been praying for years that the chain is broken and stops, I have also prayed for my future children so that they would not be vulnerable to these unhealthy family patterns. Mass and confession have been a big part of the prayer process to break these ties plus the intercession of St. Joseph, Terror of demons.
Now with this all said, someone hinting that I am not doing enough to have a family frankly pisses me off! When we were talking with the Dr. I am sure she did not mean to imply that we were not doing enough or praying enough she was just trying to bring up another avenue that we might want to explore, but I am just so tired of the try this, try that advice to have children. She mentioned the notion of being cursed and that saying the word Infertility to describe your situation is like cursing yourself. I don't agree with this because IF is a medical diagnosis and the word that is usually used by medical professionals. I do prefer the word subfertility in all honesty but no one knows what I mean when I say that and I am too lazy to explain it so I usually use IF. I do believe that God can change IF to fertility at any time.
I think it is destructive to tell a woman who has suffered a miscarriage or is dealing with IF that she might be cursed because of her family background or by someone she may know. As if we don't already feel like a leper enough, to say this would do more harm than good. I think that if there has been some foul play on the spiritual dimension toward the person it is best that they discover it themselves or it is pointed out and guided by a spiritual director. I know there have been people who do not like me, I have even had someone come up to me and "apologize" to me for not liking me. When I asked them if I offended them in some way or if it was something I did they said "No, its just you." Ouch, women can be cruel! Now for someone to go so far as to curse me would be more than cruel it would be evil. The only thing that can battle evil and win is Jesus Christ! So it would no longer be a battle on the physical realm it would be a battle on the spiritual realm. I am a firm believer that the power of Jesus Christ the King can kick some serious a**(We watched Lord of The Rings Return of the King last night w/ some friends, so I am a little pumped up)!
I am not perfect and I know that I have things like character flaws and habitual sins to overcome but I don't think that God is waiting for me and my family background to be perfect to give us children, of course we are trying to use this time wisely so that we become better people and in turn better parents. I pray on a regular basis at Mass for healing in all forms for myself and my family. One miracle I have witnessed is that my maternal grandma went to reconciliation this year for the first time in over 50 years! She is now able to receive the Eucharist and she is on fire for her relationship with God. I love that I can talk to my grandma about God and she no longer roles her eyes or thinks I am crazy. She is even asking questions about the faith to better understand it and she calls me when she needs prayer or to let me know she is praying for me and JJ. This is power of Jesus Christ the King and I entrust myself to Him wholeheartedly!
I know you were expecting me to tell you all about Seattle but that will be for next time probably in a Quick takes. In the mean time here is a picture of some of the beauty we saw there, this was actually in Vancouver, B.C.