Waste Not, Want Not!

I am starting to realize more and more the meaning of this phrase, especially in terms of my struggles. In the literal sense of conserving, saving and using our resources wisely. I try to buy only what we need, which is tough! I try not to throw food away and save leftovers even if it a small portion. We recycle and repurpose/reuse things when we can so we don't have to buy new stuff. We also try and get used furniture from thrift stores and craigslist so that we are buying something that might have ended up in a landfill somewhere.

Now in the figurative sense I am understanding not wasting anything much more these days. I still suffer from severe menstrual cramps despite the medical and nutritional treatment I am on. I have also started a good exercise routine to build and strengthen my muscles so the cramps would be more bearable. The surgery I had almost two years ago showed that I did NOT have endometriosis. So here I am on CD1 thinking "what the heck! Why am I still balling and lying in a fetal position on the bathroom floor?!" As I was praying for at least one baby to be saved from abortion and for the salvation of me and JJ I was also doing some deep reflecting. Yes in the bathroom, especially during these times, is when I get some deep reflecting time in ;)

So I was thinking of why I choose to ask God to save a baby's life from abortion instead of asking God to make me pregnant this next cycle. Well part of me does not want to think about going through child birth because I feel like all of my CD1s that I have had so far add up to one long child birth experience! The other part of me knows the power of praying during suffering and I do not want to waste it on me. I know that we will have children one day no matter how long we have to wait, but the woman who is going in for an abortion today is trying to kill the earthly life of her child and to me that takes precedence. Whatever circumstances brought her to that clinic and to make that decision, her future is going to be a lot harder if she goes through with getting an abortion and that child will never be held and told that they are loved by their birth mother or adopted mother.

This is why at my lowest point when I am on that bathroom floor I pray for all, but at least one woman and child to be spared from abortion. I have been pregnant I know what it feels like to hold life and before that I have had a desire to have children pretty much all of my life. Femininity and motherhood are one in the same and they are innate to my being as a woman therefore I try not to waste my time or my suffering. I encourage all of us to not waste our suffering. Whether it is getting a negative pregnancy test every cycle, recovering from surgery, losing a child, unbearable menstrual cramps, midnight feedings with a newborn, disciplinary issues with a toddler, waiting for a birth mother to choose you or whatever it may be you can use your suffering. You don't have to make any grand gestures all you have to do is PRAY! You can pray from anywhere, even from the bathroom floor :)