Sunday, March 3, 2013

Waste Not, Want Not!

I am starting to realize more and more the meaning of this phrase, especially in terms of my struggles. In the literal sense of conserving, saving and using our resources wisely. I try to buy only what we need, which is tough! I try not to throw food away and save leftovers even if it a small portion. We recycle and repurpose/reuse things when we can so we don't have to buy new stuff. We also try and get used furniture from thrift stores and craigslist so that we are buying something that might have ended up in a landfill somewhere.

Now in the figurative sense I am understanding not wasting anything much more these days. I still suffer from severe menstrual cramps despite the medical and nutritional treatment I am on. I have also started a good exercise routine to build and strengthen my muscles so the cramps would be more bearable. The surgery I had almost two years ago showed that I did NOT have endometriosis. So here I am on CD1 thinking "what the heck! Why am I still balling and lying in a fetal position on the bathroom floor?!" As I was praying for at least one baby to be saved from abortion and for the salvation of me and JJ I was also doing some deep reflecting. Yes in the bathroom, especially during these times, is when I get some deep reflecting time in ;)

So I was thinking of why I choose to ask God to save a baby's life from abortion instead of asking God to make me pregnant this next cycle. Well part of me does not want to think about going through child birth because I feel like all of my CD1s that I have had so far add up to one long child birth experience! The other part of me knows the power of praying during suffering and I do not want to waste it on me. I know that we will have children one day no matter how long we have to wait, but the woman who is going in for an abortion today is trying to kill the earthly life of her child and to me that takes precedence. Whatever circumstances brought her to that clinic and to make that decision, her future is going to be a lot harder if she goes through with getting an abortion and that child will never be held and told that they are loved by their birth mother or adopted mother.

This is why at my lowest point when I am on that bathroom floor I pray for all, but at least one woman and child to be spared from abortion. I have been pregnant I know what it feels like to hold life and before that I have had a desire to have children pretty much all of my life. Femininity and motherhood are one in the same and they are innate to my being as a woman therefore I try not to waste my time or my suffering. I encourage all of us to not waste our suffering. Whether it is getting a negative pregnancy test every cycle, recovering from surgery, losing a child, unbearable menstrual cramps, midnight feedings with a newborn, disciplinary issues with a toddler, waiting for a birth mother to choose you or whatever it may be you can use your suffering. You don't have to make any grand gestures all you have to do is PRAY! You can pray from anywhere, even from the bathroom floor :)


  1. Psalm 139, God knows your heart. Romans 8, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us.

    I am sorry for CD1. I am sorry there as not been answers to your pain... You have the right attitude in this though. To find joy in trials makes them that much more manageable. Plus James 5 says the "prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective!" What gets me through many hard times is God's truth. Knowing that there is a plan and hope.

    Hang in there!

  2. I am so sorry that you suffer so much every month. I have been where you are for most of my life. I didn't have endo either, but I did have an enormous adenomyoma. Post-surgery, I have normal pain that can be controlled with some Aleve and hot tea.

    The odd thing is, that I know I didn't always have the adenomyoma (I have a few pelvic ultrasounds in my twenties), but I had horrible menstrual pain from my first period at age 11.

    My theory is that there is an underlying inflammatory condition that causes horrible pain. This same condition can also be correlated with endo or adeno, but it can also appear by itself. My underlying inflammation was "cured" or well-controlled by acupuncture, but acupuncture couldn't do anything about the enormous adenomyoma. So once the mass was gone, the pain left too. But I think if I hadn't had acupuncture, surgery wouldn't have cured my pain as well as it did.

    Not medical advice, but I share this with you in the hope that it helps you in some way.

    Having spent many days of my life (far too many), vomiting off the side of my bed in horrible pain, I hate HATE HATE to think that any one else has to suffer like this. I hope the lifestyle interventions work.

    1. The adenomyoma was going to be my next guess in which case the wedge resection should help as it will hopefully decrease my estrogen.

  3. I'm so sorry you have to go through so much physical pain every month on top of emotional pain. That's so hard. I think your words here are so powerful: "don't waste any suffering." I can definitely relate to the thrifty mentality! We're like that too - washing baggies, canning food, freezing leftovers... So I love the idea of not wasting suffering - if you've got it, use it, I guess! (I do want to say that I'm sure that offering up your suffering for your own family is not a waste! But I think your gift of prayers and suffering to save a baby's life is so beautiful. Consider me inspired =))

  4. As Ecce Fiat said ... consider me inspired too!!! I think you are such a wonderful, warm hearted person to offer up your suffering for the life of a baby about to be aborted! I know God hears your prayers & uses your sufferings. The saints offered themselves in much the same way. (Everyone is called to be a saint! :-D)
    I remember having terrible, excruciating pain prior to my Endo surgeries, and I so deeply wish that it had helped you too. I would not wish that pain on anyone.

  5. This is so inspiring! I am so sorry you are still in pain! I know how awful that is.

    You offering up your suffering for other people is beautiful-especially for babies who are threatened with abortion. Be sure to ask your wedge resection surgeon (NaPro trained?) to check for Endo and for Adenomyoma. You never know what s/he might find. (Mine was all over and hiding behind other organs.)

    I hope the lifestyle changes help too! I know I feel best when I follow the Anti-Inflammatory diet. I hope that helps you too. (I'm also considering doing the GAPS diet.)