Friday, July 25, 2014

Adoption Update

We are still here folks, I can't believe I haven't written in almost a month! It has been a busy time and there is a lot going on right now that we are trying to figure out. I am taking this time in between follow ups in the nice air conditioning of the office to update y'all because I know when I get home I will have to start dinner, then go to another follow up and by the time that is done I will be d-o-n-e for the day. 

In regards to adoption we are at the same place of not having the money and trying to figure out how this will all work. It has been a difficult thing to know we have the desire to adopt and know which avenue to go through but we can't because of finances. I feel like my hands are tied and all I can do is ask God to untie the knot of finances for us. We have had to turn down adoption opportunities from our facilitators and friends who have let us know about children/birth mothers. It has been the hardest thing to have to say no because we can't scrape the money together for it, especially because a lot of them have been last minute.

 Adoption is not easy. We are talking about needing at least $15,000 to start off with and that does not come by easily, at least not for us. So please don't tell us about any adoption opportunities until further notice so we don't have to say no unless it's of little to no cost, which doesn't really happen. Oh and please don't tell us to just do foster care because it's free. We have discerned that for right now foster care is not for us. The financial part, having to say no and knowing the baby girl's due date who we almost adopted passed at the beginning of July has made this aspect of our lives a little bit of a crap fest lately. 

As a melancholic I get discouraged easily and can tend to give up on things. I am trying to fight that tendency that says "just give up, it's too hard!" We are figuring out what kinds of fundraisers we can do and grants we can apply for. We can not do loans because to pay back a loan would be more than we can financially handle at this time. Isn't there a rich family who would like to help a working class family adopt out there somewhere? At first we wanted to pay for the adoption all on our own because of pride and because we thought well it's our child we should pay the cost. We also thought it would be weird to ask people for money to help us bring our child/children home. Adoption is way different financially than being able to have biological children because your up front cost is $20,000-$30,000 plus the cost of raising the child(ren). My perspective has changed now, I am not above begging or asking for financial help ;) Once we have a fundraiser and date to start we will let y'all know!

We did get to go to our infant cpr class which was fun. All the couples there were pregnant of course and we were starting to feel out of place but the instructor was so welcoming and encouraging to us. She gave us the discount price they usually give to couples who deliver at the hospital, she kept telling me about mommy resources and emphasizing to me that I am just as much a mother as the other women there. They went around the room to ask everyone when they are due and JJ said with a grin on his face, "we actually don't know when we are due, it's a surprise because we are adopting!" Then the instructor said "congratulations that's is great news!" All in all it was a good class and I highly recommend expectant parents take the class.  

Even though it's been hard lately because we are stuck in this unknowing, adoption is very much still in our hearts and around us a lot. We went to a film festival where we saw a movie called "40" about abortion in our country. Part of it talked about how abortion clinics demonize adoption and push women toward abortion rather than adoption. There was a lot of encouragement for pro-lifers to become more knowledgable about adoption so they can council women that it is a great option if they can not parent. I am so glad it was dark in that theater because I was balling my eyes out during that whole part of the film. I also got some good resources from the film so we can get more versed in the adoption process. 

So that is where we are at, just giving it to God and asking Him to direct our path. At daily Mass yesterday I just cried, told God how hard this all is and to please give me fortitude and grace for this journey. It has been such a long road that sometimes I think we are in the same place we were years ago. I know we are not! I know we have grown so much and healed in so many ways, we are so very grateful for that! I still need to do a wrap-up post about our trip to Alabama and some spiritual challenges and growth that has happened. I just need to sit down and do it, even in the midst of this busy time. The next couple weeks aren't suppose to be as busy so I will try and collect my thoughts then. Happy feast day of Sts. Anne and Joachim coming up on the 26th and happy anniversary of Humane Vitae tomorrow! 


  1. It seriously stinks how much adoption costs! I understand about the foster care piece. Just like adoption being a special calling, so is adoption through foster care. I will keep praying for you and that this hurdle with finances can be solved for you. Don't give up! God is good, and while I don't KNOW anything really, I really do believe that doors will be opened for you to become a mama soon. Hugs!

  2. This just makes me so frustrated! So many wonderful couples are ready and MORE than willing to adopt, and yet finances seem so often to prevent that from happening (at least temporarily) is not fair at all. Lucky for us, we know that God can move mountains. I am waiting to see what sort of amazing miracles are in store for you and your family. I will be praying!!!

  3. Yes, adoption is expensive and we are making sacrifices to fund ours. Ugh. We had to pay our facilitators a huge amount before they would even work with us. It was a HUGE risk considering we still may not adopt. We've got friends who adopted through foster care and we went to the classes and at that time we decided that was not for us. We knew in our hearts that wouldn't work. Plus the adoption of those kids took more than three years to complete..and lots of court visits..around here anyways. It's a lot to take day at a will figure it all out.

  4. Adopt Together sounds like a great way to make donations tax-deductible, which makes it easier for people to help. Whenever you do have your fundraiser, let me know so I can make some things for you! It is *so* very frustrating how difficult and expensive it all is. I've spent a lot of time lately whining to my husband about how I don't want to have surgery and I don't want to adopt. I hope that you are able to find some time to escape from it all and just be at peace.

  5. Sending hugs! I know that more information and suggestions are not what you need right now... but a couple we knew told us about Bethany ( They give out scholarships to adopt. Had we stayed living in the US we might have looked deeper. I am not sure what kind of scholarships or how much it is. If I remember right they offer free informational classes to find out more.

    Our hearts go out to you... We too are in a very "stuck" position. We looked into adoption too late so that nobody would work with us being international. We also cannot look into adoption here because we only have student visas. When we get to Mexico in 7 months we will have to wait a long time until we have the right kind of government paperwork for us to even start the process... Not to mention to save up the money... There really does not seem like there is light at the end of this tunnel in regards to adoption... I keep praying that the door would open for something...

    Hang in there. Super sorry of all you are going through.

  6. I totally get it. We are feeling overwhelmed by the cost too, its scary to figure out how God can work it out and us not go under. We are also not interested in a loan because we think one of us will be working less, and our income will be lower. I cant imagine having to turn down an opportunity. :( that is hard! We have tried to connect with a birthmother with no luck. God bless!

  7. Praying for you! I really wish that cost was not such a part of adoption. It seems wrong, but I'm honestly pretty clueless as to what all of the money is supposed to go towards. Praying that God will work some miracles to straighten all of it out for you!

  8. Adoption really is another emotional roller coaster. Just when you think it's easier than IF, BAM. All this stuff piles on top of you. The cost, the home study process, the paperwork, the situations presented to you when you're not ready, not being chosen by a birth mom. It's a lot to handle! Prayers for you guys as you continue down this path! Know that you're not alone and I'm here for you if you need support!!

  9. I'm so sorry it's been so tough, Kat =( it is so hard to have finances stand in the way of adopting. And there are just so many steps and unknowns with adoption! I'm glad you said what you did about foster care. I know people are trying to help, but I get frustrated when people assume that foster care is the obvious way to go if you don't have the money for adoption - it's a calling too, and not one that's meant for everyone, just because it's cheap/free.

    Praying that you find peace right *now* and strength for the journey =)

  10. I hate that adoption costs so much. I really do. It is an amazing thing to be able to do, but the up front cost is daunting. I would absolutely donate to your fund when you decide to have a fundraiser.
    I'm praying for you both - for these setbacks and hurdles to disappear. <3