Let's Add Another Log to the Fire: LUFS

So they say that things always come in threes. First off I want to know who "they" are and why did they start these awful sayings and misconceptions. At this point now I feel that I must concede as we have gotten more bad news in less than a month's time period. So before Thanksgiving we got the mthfr genetic mutation diagnosis, then the 1st Sunday of Advent we were told we needed to move by the end of January and now I have been diagnosed with LUFS.

What is LUFS? It is lutenized unrupptured follicle syndrome which means my follicle is maturing but it is not releasing the egg so ovulation is not taking place. When the follicle is not rupturing it can just keep getting bigger and become a cyst or shrink back slowly. There is not much treatment for it and the treatments out there are 50/50 that it will be successful in having the patient ovulate. It is a chronic condition in my case based on my charting and symptoms. LUFS can only be detected by doing an u/s series, which we just finished Saturday. I knew before the Dr. said anything just by looking at her face as she was looking at the u/s. She said "It's still there. The follicle didn't rupture, it grew in size and there is debris inside of it." My heart sank as she said those words and as a practitioner I know the odds of pregnancy with LUFS and they aren't good. LUFS is difficult to treat and there isn't much research out there about it. It can be dangerous if the cyst grows so large that it makes the ovary flip over, cutting off blood supply to the ovary and can result in loss of the ovary. This is rare and the symptoms are severe pain so it would be obvious when it was happening and emergency surgery could save the ovary.

 I had mentally prepared myself for the diagnosis the night before the last u/s because the u/s that day was looking like LUFS and she just wanted to confirm it with another u/s the next day. I had a panic attack on Friday night and just sobbed uncontrollably which hasn't happened since we lost Cecilia. I thought to myself "I am always going to be infertile" which sent me into a downward spiral. JJ just held me and as I told him how sorry I am for him he said "I'd rather be with you and not have any biological kids than be with someone else and have biological children. I want to be with you." What a guy! I really am blessed to have him with me on this journey. 

So the next steps from here are to do some blood work to make sure it's not due to low estradiol, if that's the case there would be two medications I would have to take to try and help the follicle to rupture. If my hormones are fine then I would just do the one medication which is an HCG trigger shot on a particular day in my cycle. Either way it looks like I will be administering injections on myself soon if we decide to treat this. Yay needles! Which brings me to the point of saying....

I guess we are TTC again with medical treatment. After some conversation JJ and I came to the conclusion that this is all we can do right now to grow our family. Since we have no idea where we will be living next month we are not going to go to the foster care training we signed up for. We haven't found a place and we are open to renting a studio or one bedroom  and if that's the case then we can't do foster care. We can't start the process of adoption because of money and the living situation is up in the air so the only thing we can do is medical treatment. We may live with family for a few months and then rent a condo from some friends who will be moving to another country in June or July for a year if we don't find a place soon. We are open to whatever God wants for us but we have no idea what that is at this time. We believe in the power of prayer and know that miracles are possible so we are just praying for healing now. We pray with all of our being that God may heal my body from this.

Domine, exaudi orationem meum. Et clamor meus ad te veniat. 

O Lord, hear my prayer. And let my cry come unto thee. 

I did want to leave this post with some blessings we have encountered through this because it's so easy to not see them. I don't want to miss out on blessings even during times of trial and suffering so here they are: 

1. JJ and I got to see a couple friends while down in San Diego for the ultrasounds. We got to see our friend who moved there 4 months ago and have brunch with her. Then we got to visit our priest friend who is down there and he gave us this beautiful Shining Light OL of Guadalupe doll :) 

2. We celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary there by visiting a beautiful CA mission! We lit a candle there for our intentions and explored the grounds for free. We had an u/s that day but we got to switch our appt. for a better time with another practioner and fellow NaPro Dr. patient because she was kind enough to offer when she heard it was our anniversary that day. When we got to the Dr.'s office that morning the staff wished us a happy anniversary :) 

3. We got to have chick-fil-a twice during this week while traveling :)