Interlude

It has been difficult to write this post. Part of the reason is that there is so much to write yet nothing at all to write. Since baby J left our home more than three months ago we have been on a break from the foster/adoption journey and TTC. Well our spiritual director called it an interlude which sounds nicer. He said we needed to step back and pray and observe. So, we have been praying and observing. I know I need to get into a more consistent prayer life since the last month or so I have lagged a bit in prayer and exercise. I am someone who needs structure because once a habit is altered it takes me a very long time to get back into it. So I am climbing crawling back to my prayer and workout routine. For me these two things go hand in hand for directly affecting my overall sanity.

During this interlude I did a 3 month detox program with my NaPro doctor since she thinks toxicity is an issue for me. I know she is right because I can feel it and I am rarely wrong about what is going on in my body. She is starting to take a more functional medicine approach with her patients along with NaPro protocols which has been a dream come true for me! I have also started to do something called intermittent fasting to help heal my gut. As someone with hypoglycemia the thought of fasting is downright scary but it has been very manageable, praise God! My hypoglycemia has been dormant since our healing Mass about 4 months ago. Coincidence, I think not!I have gone 14-16hrs without food and then I eat within a 8-9 hour window usually.  Grant it that I am sleeping for about 8 of those fasting hours but it is still pretty remarkable. I have been drinking more bone broth in the gut healing process as well.

During this interlude we discerned to discontinue the foster/adoption process. This was a huge shock to me and I was reluctant to agree to it.  JJ clearly knew this is what we were to do, as did our spiritual director. It is difficult to explain to those who do not understand why we are no longer pursuing foster care. I could not understand what God was doing with us, were we to constantly bend to the wind? Were we to always have this unfulfilled desire, never to have a definite answer? What about private adoption? As our 10 year wedding anniversary creeps up in December the questions were growing while the answers were not to be found. Perhaps I was asking the wrong questions...

So, at the beginning of August I went to Alabama again to the place that always gives me rest and strength. JJ did not go with, I went without him. It was so weird to be apart for 10 days but it was what we needed. On the second to last day I was there I actually got to meet 3 of the cloistered nuns and have them pray for me, especially pray over my womb. It was such an overwhelming experience. I am not a crier or one to show emotion, just ask my brother, but I ugly cried y'all. There was so much I brought with me on this trip and so much more I took away! I left with more peace, trust, acceptance and joy.

 So as far as foster care the simple answer is just that, we are not called to be foster parents. That has been a clear answer.  We have no idea how baby J is doing but we pray for him daily. The grief over baby J is less and the hope that God has a beautiful plan for his life grows.

Continuing with NaPro has been a clear answer we are getting as well. I thought I was done but JJ and I have discerned that since we are seeing improvements in my overall health and cycles that we should continue on the NaPro journey. So, that has been what is going on around here changes that ere big and small. Oh yeah and I turned 33 in July. Would that be considered mid-thirties already?!