I gave this post a simple title so that those who do not wish to or can not handle reading a pregnancy update can skip this post.
Ok so I am still pregnant. I am 17 weeks along now and in the 2nd trimester which is wild! Baby is growing nicely and still has a good heart beat. The 1st trimester was definitely a challenge but in the very beginning I just surrendered to whatever is going to happen to my body. That really helped me not to be too hard on myself when I could not make dinner for most of the 1st trimester or eat much due to the overwhelming nausea. I also could not do laundry on my own or vacuum because I was ordered by my NaPro doc to not lift anything over 10 lbs or carry full laundry baskets up and down the stairs due to the fact I had a couple days of bleeding. Fun times! It turned out that the bleeding was due to some bleeding around the yolk sack of the baby but it was not in a dangerous spot. Also, it resolved itself (really with God's healing hand) about a week later but I was still to be on light duty only.
I have to say my husband has been a complete rockstar through all of this but I am not surprised. I am very blessed to have JJ and he is going to be a wonderful papa. He was taken aback a few times when I ordered him to not eat near me because I could not stand the smell of his food. I don't think either of us realized just how strongly I could react to food smells and textures. Now I am back to making dinner most every night and the nausea is gone. It seriously is magical to be able to eat my normal food again instead of just crackers, chip, toast, salad and protein smoothies.
My clothes are starting to get snug around the belly area and there is a bump forming more and more each day. I am waiting as long as possible before I go buy any maternity clothes. A friend gave me a couple maternity shirts for Christmas that I have been alternating wearing with my other shirts that still fit.
All in all this feels so unreal most of the time. It has been hard to make plans because part of my thoughts are "well what if we lose the baby?" or "I don't care about x,y or z because I just want this baby to stay alive at this point." I think that is what took me so long to decide if we were going with a midwife at a birth center or an OB. We went with the midwife which I am very comfortable with.
Now we are looking into baby registry items, having a baby shower and parenting?! Again, this feels unreal. Each time my bloodwork comes out great or the midwife says I am measuring right on target and we hear baby's heartbeat I am surprised. I always want to ask her "are you sure?" I guess I am still in shock that this is all happening. There is an element of wonder and awe that I have at the marvel of human life and how God as creator designed it to be. It is pretty amazing! In a couple weeks we will find out if baby is a boy or girl and do all the 20 week u/s measurement scans. We have not had an u/s since 11 weeks since we wanted to keep the u/s exposure to a minimum for me and baby.
I have been experiencing feelings of guilt for not being super into all of the baby stuff because it feels like I am being ungrateful, which I am not, it is just overwhelming at times. The guilt of having this blessing while others still suffer is a whole other subject and post. JJ reminded me that we can only live day by day and moment by moment with what we know and that is that baby and I are healthy and growing so it is OK to make plans for baby's arrival. So, we are making plans together which is how I like it.
I have been entrusting this baby to God every day asking for His will to be done. Doing that has helped calm a lot of my fears by allowing God to have full control over what happens and decisions that we make. Sorry this post is all over the place, I have kind of been all over the place lately! Thank you for prayers for this baby and me. I am grateful more than you know.