Well baby Crow has decided to stay in his hobbit hole a bit longer. I thought for sure that he would come before his due date since I was an early baby but the midwife said differently, I guess she is right. JJ and I are getting pretty impatient to meet our son and it does not help that friends and family have been calling/texting the last few days to see how I am doing which is just code for "any news?" Oh and did I mention that my mom has called every morning around the same time to see how I am doing and if she needs to take a detour from work to our home in case I am in labor. So, that has not helped either.
I was telling JJ that this has triggered similar feelings I had when we first realized we were dealing with infertility in the first few years of our marriage. When people ask you constantly "so when are you going to have children?" or "any news you'd like to share?" It makes you feel like your body is a failure and like you are a failure. The beautiful thing about this long journey of infertility has been that I learned that I had no control over when, how, or if we would have children. I had to learn to trust in God's timing and I was eventually given peace about our situation and my body.
So yesterday on the baby's due date I turned my phone off so I would not be triggered by calls/texts. We went to an earlier Mass since our usual 1pm Mass time was going to be too hot for this pregnant lady. I am so glad we went to an earlier Mass since Fr. B's homily was exactly what I needed to hear. It got me out of the self doubt thoughts that can lead to more impatience and his words were an encouragement to trust in God's will for us at each moment. I know I will meet this little boy at the appointed time ordained by God and not by me or anyone else. I have no control over when he will make his debut and that feels so freeing!
This past week was the one year anniversary of when we had to say goodbye to our foster son baby J. I can not believe it has been a year since we went through all of that. It is also not lost on me that this baby boy is due around the same time of that moment last year. I remember holding baby J while he was sleeping and handing him off to the social worker. He woke up a little bit and I shhhh'd him back to sleep before blessing him and saying goodbye. JJ and I continue to pray for baby J regularly that he would know he is loved by God.
We have had a pretty bad heat wave, like most of the country, this past weekend and continuing this week. On Friday our car registered 120 degrees! Then we had over 100 degree temps with humidity on Saturday. So, I have just been trying to stay cool and do indoor tasks. I have missed my morning walks since it is too hot by the time I am awake and ready to go out. The interesting thing is that both JJ and I were born during a heat wave so the family tradition will continue. It is funny that we are summer babies and yet we really dislike summer so maybe this little boy will be the same. We love the fall, winter, rain and cold; well the SoCal version of that anyway.
That is pretty much what is going on around here, a lot of waiting. Hopefully next time I will have more exciting news to share!