Merry Christmas

I know, I know you think this post is really late, but it really is not. I have been thinking about the New Year's hype and if I even care about it all. I have never really been into resolutions or going out to celebrate the New Year. This year has been no different. I keep trying to make myself care, but I just don't. I am more into the fact that it is technically still Christmas. And it will still be Christmas in our house until the traditional Epiphany on Jan 6th!

I have been praying and pondering what I want from this Christ child, this Messiah, this King, this Savior. What is my prayer and what are my desires? This is what I have come up with so far: I want the Christ child to help me, save me, heal me and change me. That is all. Pretty simple huh? Well not so much, when we consider the inner working of the human heart and the concupiscence that we are all born with.

I want Him to help me do what God is asking me to do. I don't just want the grace that He provides, I want to skillfully use it and be cognizant to call upon it when I need it. I know that the grace is there, but I want to be more aware of when I need it. Often we do not ask God for the grace to become more Christ like in those moments of anger, frustration, selfishness or when we are sleep deprived. We usually ask for grace in those moments of silent prayer or peaceful adoration when we are at our best, but we need Him the most when we are at our worst. So, that is my prayer; that Christ help me to be aware of when I need grace.

I want Him to save me; mostly to save me from myself. I want to be saved from my perfectionist ideals; that I must be perfect, that I am perfect and that others need be perfect. I have always wanted to do things perfectly. I am a classic type A personality, yet I am quite messy in my personal space. I want the walls of needing to be perfect to be torn down so that God can perfect my soul and not my external surroundings. I want my heart to love Him more perfectly. Mainly, I don't want to get in the way of God's will or His movements in my life. I want to get out of the way and let Him do His work!

I want Him to heal me from my fears. A lot of the time I base my decisions on fear. How much will this hurt? Will this kill me? Will I look stupid? Will anybody get hurt? I am so tired of fear being a dominant force in my life. I need healing in this area. I need courage; the kind that only the Holy Spirit can infuse in me. This past year God has been working on these things with me, but I want to surrender even more and take this healing to the next level. I want courage to be the driving force in my life, not fear.

I want Him to change me by continually transforming me into who He made me to be. I recently celebrated my 15 year anniversary of giving my life to Christ. I was baptized as a baby and did all the Sacraments I was suppose to at the age I was suppose to... my mother made sure of it. But I had not fully surrendered my life to Christ. I have been reflecting on how I have changed since then. My ideals and habits have become different. Even though I have been walking the talk for these past fifteen years, I know there are many areas that I can grow in. I want Him to change my heart so that His will is all that I desire. There is a song that we used to sing in youth group that said, "Change my heart O God, make it ever true. Change my heart O God, may I be like you. You are the potter, I am the clay." That is my prayer; to be molded by The Potter. That is my prayer for all of you.

Happy New Year, and more importantly, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Looking Back and Moving Forward

As I was reminiscing, as we all do, at the close of 2013 I found myself thinking that it wasn't that exciting of a year and nothing really happened. As I thought a little longer I realized how much happened this past year.....

We decided to go ahead and have the ovarian wedge resection surgery back in April. It was a longer recovery than my 1st surgery but it wasn't too bad. That was a pretty big event and step for us in doing all we can to fight PCOS. With that we also found out that one ovary was fine and our pregnancy with Cecilia was most likely ectopic. 

JJ was unemployed for most of the year. It was tough financially and we were so excited when he got more steady work in November. Here is to hoping he has work all year long in 2014! 

I joined a book club and rediscovered my love for reading! I love books so much.

I took my CrMS final in May, exactly one month after my surgery, then found out I passed it in August. It was a huge weight lifted to be done with that final! 

We moved to our new place in July and endured the summer heat without central air. It took us awhile to adjust to this place but I think we are better adjusted now. 

We went to Alabama in August and had the most amazing time. Visiting the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament was a huge highlight of the year. 

I started watching my goddaughter on Monday mornings in late August and have had so much fun with her! 

 

We started teaching RCIA on Sunday mornings at the end of September. I am so glad we decided to teach because our students have blessed us so much.

We went back to our bible/Church study on tues. nights at the Carmelite convent. It was so nice to be taught by a Carmelite nun and it also helped us in teaching our RCIA students. We went over the Creed from August-Early Nov. and will be going over the Sacraments starting next week. 

We had an almost adoption and no pregnancies. So not much happened in the way of making us parents but we made some progress in the journey.

We decided to stop medical treatment to try and conceive, only what is necessary for health. So no meds., pg tests, blood draws, 2ww, ultrasounds, etc. It was a weaning process to stop but we have had so much peace that followed this decision. We don't regret the medical treatment because a lot of it has helped to diagnose and treat my condition but we are so happy to not be on that roller coaster right now. 

Cheese is back! Mmmm, cheese. I spent most of 2013 dairy free and part of 2012. It really showed me the amazing things that I am capable of and the grace God gave me to stay away from one of my favorite foods. In November I started to incorporate cheese and other dairy back into my diet. I started off with raw cheese and moved up to organic. It has gone pretty good without any bad side effects. I don't have it everyday and I try not to have too much, temperance is a virtue!

Overall it was a pretty full, challenging and blessed year!

Enough reminiscing let's look forward to 2014. 2014?! Can you believe it?! I really thought we would have flying cars and live in a Jetson's like world by now but with all these smart phones (which neither JJ or I have) and new technologies we are not far off. I have been thinking of some goals I would like to work on this year. I don't like calling them resolutions because I think they are set up to fail that way. Whatever you call them here are some of my goals... 

 

Jar of Blessings

I saw it somewhere last January and thought it would be a good idea to do it but I never got around to actually doing it. Basically you take a glass jar and write down your blessings and moments you are grateful for throughout the year and put them in the jar. Then on new year's eve you read them and share them with one another. I think this is a great idea for someone like me who can tend to focus on the negative. So this will be added to our household this year!

There are already 2 in there :)

 

Sewing

I need to dust off my sewing machine and get to sewing! My mom gave me a sewing machine a couple years ago and I have yet to get comfortable with it. I really want to sew and turn some old tshirts into a quilt. I will probably start small with some pillow cases or aprons but I will get there this year! 

Garden

Now that we have the back yard and the space, I am hoping to do some gardening this year. Any ideas of how to start I am so open to because I don't know much about this. I do want to plant some vegetables, herbs and some bushes in the back yard this spring. 

Get in the Bedroom

No, it's not what you think! I have been wanting to fix up our bedroom for some time now and make it a comfortable place to be. We have our bed, dresser and a lamp but that's pretty much it. We got 2 night stands for free that I need to paint I just haven't decided on the color. We ordered new curtains on Jan. 1st and will slowly be putting the pieces together to make the bedroom come together. We need to hang our pictures/artwork and look for a headboard and maybe a small chair or bench. The color scheme is reds and navy blues so I am thinking of painting the night stands black and getting a grey upholstered head board or making one. 

Drink More

Now I don't mean get drunk or anything, I don't think I have ever been drunk in my life. I had some really good wine at Christmas and I think having a glass once in awhile is a good thing. Alcohol is something I stay away from most of the time because I don't like it that much and since we were doing medical treatment I just stayed away. It felt really good to have a glass of wine at Christmas and just not think about ruining our chances of conceiving. 

Paleo or Grain Free

I don't want to go full on paleo but I do want to incorporate more paleo meals. I do want to have one day a week where I don't have any grains but concentrate more on seeds, vegetables fruits and legumes or meats. I haven't picked the day yet but I am thinking maybe Wednesdays. Paleo Wednesdays, how does that sound? 

Write it Down

Whether that is to blog more, journal or write down my recipes I need to work on my writing. I want to go to the next level in my writing. I have friends who ask me for recipes that I make and I hardly write any of them down but I want to write them down and put them on my blog so I can reference them. 

Craigs.list

There are some items I want to sell because I don't use them and it would be nice to sell them to pay for things we do need. I have been thinking about this for awhile and got inspired when the misfit did her 31 Days of the Magic of Craigs.list. So selling this stuff is on the goal list for this year. 

Camping

I have never gone tent camping in the woods, ever. I have stayed in a cabin and been in the mountains and have tent camped on the beach when I was a kid. JJ so badly wants us to go camping and I would like to do that this year. I am not keen on the idea of bears and other animals eating me so to ease me into it we are going to camp out in our back yard some time this spring. We set up our tent on new year's day and spent some time in there playing bananagrams which was fun, until I had to pee! I am such a city girl.

Our backyard is pretty big, this is just a small part behind the garage!

 

Adoption or Foster Care

Discerning and deciding about adoption or foster care is on the top of my goals list for this year. Really just discerning whether or not I want to be a mother (in the practical everyday sense) is something I would like to figure out. Of course I desire to be a mother but do I desire to pursue the ways in which I could become a mother like adoption or foster care? I don't know yet but I hope to find out this year :) 

So that's my list of goals and things to work on this year! There are a couple of goals that I have that I don't want to make public but they are personal and maybe in time I can share them or not. It seems like quite an extensive list but I remember that they are goals and 2014 is a whole year. What are some of your goals for 2014? Happy New Year!