Recovery

Well I am back! The recovery process is going well and JJ is doing an amazing job at being my caretaker. I really am very blessed to have him. I am not gonna lie it is a painful recovery, she did take out part of my left ovary and played around with my right Fallopian tube a lot. I have been taking the pain medication regularly so that I am able to do some stuff on my own. I hate taking pain medication but I will admit that it is helping me do things like eat, stand, walk, you know all of the hard stuff ;)

During surgery I wrote out a specific plan of prayers for my mom and JJ to say, I know I am so choleric. As I was waking up from the surgery I couldn't help but smile. The nurses probably thought I was the strangest patient but it felt so right to smile I was alive and the surgery was done. Every time one of the nurses came to check on me I tried to smile and say thank you so that even in me weakest moments I could show love and appreciation to them. All of the nurses that took care of me were so gentle and patient. Nurses rock!

I felt challenged to be a gentle and appreciative patient when I first got there because they tried 3 different places to put the IV because my veins are so tiny. I told them that it would only go on my right arm but they said they had to try the left arm and right hand first. It really hurt especially when they tried my right hand so I closed my eyes and prayed to be united more to Jesus in his sufferings of his pierced hands. The poor nurse felt so bad I think she almost started crying and she apologized a lot. I just tried to smile and tell her that it was ok, I understood they had a procedure to follow. I now have some pretty nasty bruises from that ordeal but at least it is over.

My NaPro Dr. was amazed that she did the wedge resection on only one ovary. She said "it is rare that this happens where only one ovary is showing signs of PCOS especially since they were both showing signs of PCOS at your last surgery almost 2 yrs. ago" and I said "well miracles still happen don't they Doc." I love having a Catholic/Christian Dr. who believes in miracles! She cleared me to go home on Friday and we have a follow up appt. with her in 2 weeks.

As I was becoming more coherent after the surgery JJ told me the details. I was amazed that my body is so mismatched with one non PCOS ovary and one tube that was open. Hopefully now after the surgery they will all work together and get back on track! I am glad I asked her to do the HSG to check my tubes at the last minute so that we discovered the blockage on the right. She said that my pregnancy with Cecilia was probably ectopic and that is why it was blocked because of the scarred tissue. When I heard this I was sad and comforted at the same time. Knowing that I miscarried so early means that Cecilia was itty bitty when she died and if she would have grown any bigger I could have had a rupture, lost the right tube or worse died. So in a sense my baby saved my life, oh how I miss her and can't wait to meet her in heaven! The good Doc said that next time I get pregnant we would have to be more vigilant with blood draws and ultrasound to make sure it is not ectopic. When she said "next time you get pregnant" I had a strong sense of hope that it can happen again. This is was a rare occasion that I allowed myself to hope again and the good Doc seemed very hopeful too.

We had a bit of a funny situation happen the day we left. I was staying in the women's center which includes labor and delivery patients as well, there weren't too many patients there which was nice. I got my own room and JJ was able to stay overnight with me both nights. Well on the day I was discharged a volunteer came in to refill my water pitcher and when she left she said "congratulations!" JJ and I looked at each other and laughed, yes congratulations to us our tubes are open and only one ovary is showing PCOS, woohoo! We didn't have the heart to tell her we didn't just have a baby so I think we said thank you.

Coming home was rough because it took about 2 hrs. and the freeways were a bit bumpy, ouch! It was so nice to walk in the door at home though I feel so much more relaxed. I finally felt strong enough to shower this morning and it felt so good but it was so tiring. I hadn't showered since tuesday night so I really needed to shower. When you can't do basic things on your own you really start to be thankful for what you can do.

I am now resting from my morning activities and waiting for lunch to be ready. I am taking any Netflix recommendations and looking forward to catching up on reading blogs so write some good stuff to entertain me :)

I would like to thank all of you who have been praying for me! I appreciate it more than you know and have felt covered in prayer. There are others who are going through much worse than me and it humbles me that there are people who have been praying for me. I know that it is because of prayer that this experience has not been too bad, know that you are all in my prayers!

I Must be Pregnant, Right?!

This week has been such a tough week and it is only Wednesday! On Sunday and Monday I had a glimmer of hope that I could be pregnant. Aunt flow was late and she has been right on schedule for the last year or so. The last time she was late was when we got pregnant with Cecilia so naturally my mind wondered to think that I in fact could be pregnant. I took a test on P+13 due to my low progesterone levels just in case and it came out negative. Testing so early was JJ's idea because of my usual low prog. levels, I make him look at the test sometimes. Then on Sunday when it was late afternoon and still no AF, we tested again and it was negative. By Monday night I was pretty much going crazy because still no AF and my boobs were really sore (they haven't been that sore since we had gotten pregnant).

My excitement and hope started to gain as the fact that I could actually be pregnant and my surgery would be cancelled! I thought, oh what a great story that would be to tell our child someday! I tried not to think about it too much on Monday so we went to go see my FIL at the convalescent home where he is recovering, dropped off something for him to my MIL, chatted with my MIL and went to go get yarn to start my first (hopefully I will complete this project) knitting project. After all this, still no AF by Monday evening. So JJ and I decided that I should test again Tuesday morning which would be P+18 (which is when we found out we were pregnant with Cecilia). My cycles had not been this long since my 1st surgery almost 2 years ago. As much as I tried not to think about it, I thought about it and tried to start conversation with JJ about it. JJ was not picking up on my hints and kept saying "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." I also could not sleep and wait to test on Tues. morning. I kept praying for God's will to be done in my body, if surgery is what is supposed to be done then so be it.

Tuesday morning rolled around and I woke up bright and early to take the test that would determine my surgery fate. I took the test and it was negative again, now I was getting frustrated! If I wasn't going to be pregnant then AF should at least have the decency to be on time! So JJ and I decided that if AF did not show up by the afternoon, we would call the Dr. to see what we should do. We decided to go to adoration and do a holy hour, it was just what we needed. If I was going to go crazy and be confused, I might as well do it in front of God. Afterwards JJ asked me how I was doing and I said I am doing much better, that today my answer is that I am not pregnant and I am still having surgery. I said "we will just take it day by day." He was pleased to see that I was more calm about it, I was probably driving him nuts!

About an hour after we went home to have lunch I had a familiar feeling. The cramping and spotting started which meant AF had finally arrived. JJ asked if I was sad, and I said a little. More than anything I was glad this dramatic saga was over and that I will likely need to increase my progesterone for future cycles. I am not gonna lie, I wish I was pregnant and I would have had to cancel my surgery. I thought about how we would tell our friends and family and how much joy it would bring all of us. Instead we got AF, what. a. let. down.

I know I am not the first person going through subfertility that this has happened to. For some women this two week wait to see if you're pregnant roller coaster happens every cycle! I have been lifting up my anxiety and disappointment up as a prayer for this blogger of the month. Now I am looking forward to my surgery more than before. I just want to take the next step in healing my body from this horrible disease called PCOS.

Practitioner Diary

As a Creighton Model FertilityCare practitioner, you run into interesting situations, especially when people ask me what I do for a living. So I was not that surprised when one of these interesting situations happened recently. You know the ones where you know God was working and put you in the right place at the right time.

The other day I was walking into my blood draw lab for my usual monthly blood work, I noticed a woman who could not have been older than 25 sitting on the curb with her head down. I noticed the band around her arm and figured she just had her blood drawn and was feeling a bit dizzy. I went inside to sign in and felt this need to talk to this woman, a motherly pull to make sure she was okay. Her mom was with her outside to make sure she didn't faint and her husband was inside watching their stuff. They came back inside and took her to the back room so she can lay down.

When her mom came back in the lobby I just had to ask if her daughter needed food or sugar in her system, which I offered. As a recovering hypoglycemic I always carry food in my purse. She said she was doing a fasting blood draw for the next 3 hours so she couldn't eat anything. I asked if she was hypoglycemic and they said that is what the Drs. are testing her for. We started talking about the symptoms of hypoglycemia and during the conversation I asked if she had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Realizing that I may have gotten too personal, I felt embarrassed. Her mom and husband looked at me and said " how did you know?" I explained to them that I have PCOS and hypoglycemia and that they are very common to have together.

I started telling them about my treatment and recovery process, then dratz my name was called! Thank God for my wonderful husband JJ who has gone to every blood draw with me because at that point he took over the conversation with them. I went into the back room so the vampires could take my blood and I identified with the woman laying down. She was laying there in her sickness and probably embarrassed by her weakness. I know I have been embarrassed by mine many times. Trying not to stare I said a prayer for her as they were taking my blood.

I went back into the lobby and jumped back into the conversation. As the conversation progressed the woman came back in the lobby and sat next to her husband, her ears were probably burning because we were talking about her. Her mother told her that I have the same condition that she has. I started to explain my journey and the woman started to cry because she could identify with the struggle I have gone through. I explained that the Drs. I went to thought I was crazy, that my illness was all in my head, and they wanted to put me on anti-anxiety medication and birth control pills. She said she was on an anti-depressant that her Dr. prescribed her and that they were going to put her on the pill to start her cycles. I explained to her why I refused the Drs. protocol. It was because I knew there was something going on and that there had to be a way to fix it or at least make it manageable without just putting a band aid of medication on it. As I was explaining my journey the woman kept nodding her head and saying that's exactly what the Drs. told her.

I told them about my naturopath and my awesome NaPro Dr. They seemed very excited to hear that there can be a better way of managing PCOS. Then I went into my practitioner/science geek mode of explaining PCOS and how to treat it. JJ told them that I could help them by having the woman start to chart her cycles. I gave them my information and Dr. Awesome's card so they can look into more information. I hope and pray that they at least have one appointment with Dr. Awesome, I know they will not regret it.

At different points in the conversation I noticed the woman's manner changed from embarrassment, to sadness to anger then to relief and empowerment. Why, so many different emotions? Well embarrassment and sadness come from being sick and having your hormones out of whack. Anger comes from the fact that all these years you thought the problem was all in your head and it was not! Anger comes from Drs. not giving you the time of day and paying them just to tell you they have no idea how to help you only by giving you a medication that is a class 1 carcinogen and can cause cancer! Relief comes from knowing that you are not alone in this battle and that others have gone through similar situations. Empowerment comes from the knowledge about your fertility and femininity.

With Creighton we say that every woman has a right to know about her fertility and her cycles. She has a right to know what her body is doing and to get medical treatment if need be. When a woman has this knowledge she sees her fertility as a gift; not a disease that needs to be destroyed by artificial hormones. She becomes more feminine, confident and beautiful. This is why I do what I do and I love my job! I love working with women and being a detective to help uncover the mystery of their fertility. Being a support on each client's journey, I am humbled that my clients allow me into this part of their life. I understand that it is not easy for them and I don't take it for granted.

I love that God doesn't have to show me why He has me where He does, but He does anyway!